Playlist #27: The guy outside the gates says hello to you
Let's talk about keeping our discoveries secret and how that doesn't quite come naturally to me. It's more substantial than talking about possibly starting to feel numb.
One downside to the Once Monthly’s posting schedule is that when I get around to putting together these playlists, everything it refers to seems so far away.
Take, for instance, the opening I was planning. It wasn’t going to be about posting schedules, but rather, about a gig I watched six weeks ago. Six weeks ago! When I cosplayed as a music journalist, taking that long to wrap up a live music report is not so much a bad decision, but a stupid one. But I can argue that, one, I wrote about watching Shanne Dandan, Vanessa Mendoza and dwta live within a week, although on Instagram. And two, the thought I was going for is pretty universal, and not restricted to those aforementioned three artists.
But then, there is another downside: I’m not certain now if it’s dwta or Vanessa who said that thought. “Please don’t gatekeep us anymore,” either of them said. I really should’ve made notes, but then, I didn’t want to ask like I’m just there for the story.
I had talked about Shanne before, so I’ll focus on the other two. I knew Vanessa the least, although I now have a reason to believe I had come across her during the time of the old music blog. I don’t think she has a lot of her own songs out, but then, between performing and writing music, she also teaches music. I enjoyed watching her, but it was a few weeks later when I realized the strength of her songwriting, when I found myself humming her latest single, “Balatkayo”, while playing with my cat. It was unprompted; I was not yet truly putting this playlist together. By then I knew it had secured the slot.
There’s always a bit of work involved when you watch someone perform stripped back; you end up comparing the live performance with the recorded output. In Vanessa’s case, it was easy to find the playful through line no matter if it’s an acoustic or a full-band set-up. The jazz kid in me likes those little details. The sad boy in me likes how very universal the theme is.
As for dwta, I kind of feel bad for initially including “Padaba Taka” on a previous playlist, only to drop it when it moved in a different (read: more sad boy) direction. By the time I first heard that song on the radio, it had been a year or so and people already knew about it, but not a lot of them. I like her nervous energy on stage. I like how approachable she is, but then you hear her songs and wonder, “man, am I able to be at her level?” Her newest single, “Sampung Mga Daliri”, turns an innocuous nursery rhyme into a really, really heart-wrenching song.
By the time I watched her live, the song was just a week old, and inevitably I hadn’t heard of it. Three minutes later, I was all, “God damn it, how?” in my head. Sure, you can say I felt viscerally because the imagery of a hand that you used to grasp now grasping someone else’s will always remain raw—especially if you… never mind—but you don’t expect it coming from a nursery rhyme, of all places! I should’ve asked her when I had the chance.
Now that I’ve thought about it, I think it’s dwta who said that line about gatekeeping. I remember thinking, “well, a lot of people know about her, so I don’t think she’s being kept secret still”. I heard her on the radio. There’s a couple of performances on the Wish Bus. There’s also the fact that SB19 member Justin de Dios features in the studio recording, which should attract a different set of listeners. (And it actually works better as a duet, because somehow it feels much more sadder.) And yet I remember how universal it is, to discover a musician that really resonates with you, and want to keep them all to yourself, so their message only remains with you, or something like that. I had come across this many times when I was doing the old music blog—and even then, I was eternally playing catch-up. The few times I was relatively ahead of the curve, I don’t think I had the urge to keep them all to myself, because, really, why?
Now, I’m certain there were times when I wanted to keep something for myself. This thing, it’s my little secret. Or, perhaps more appropriately, this thing, I was here first. But, I suppose, being on the other end of the equation more often—the outsider, the guy behind the curve, the guy outside the gates—means it does not come naturally to me. There’s no fun in keeping a secret without someone to share it with, so why not tell the whole world instead? But mine is a minority opinion in a world where looking like you get it is essential, as if watching Kendrick Lamar’s Super Bowl halftime show without being that exposed to his work—hip-hop remains one of my blind spots, I will always confess—diminishes my enjoyment of it.
But I guess that easily goes against what is important to all of us in these times. If you are to be my friend, you have to prove your worth. You have to get the things I get. You have to share the same views as mine. The smallest of differences is a point, or five, or a hundred, docked against you—and you can never make it up. And you wonder why we don’t have any more shared cultural experiences? We are all main characters, and we are all more transactional than we’d like to admit. And nobody can be better than us.
So, excuse me if I don’t believe you when you talk about being there to listen to what I have to say.
Whoops, that wasn’t where I intended to bring this essay.
In my defense, I didn’t really know what to do with this month’s hour. Maybe I was feeling better after last month’s depths, but I know I’m not. I’m just busier and, therefore, more distracted. Putting together this playlist was difficult because I wasn’t seeing the through line like I usually would. A lot of the songs this month are not-so-new songs that had been held over from previous playlists, like the Benee and Elbow tracks. In some cases, they’re songs I’ve always loved, like the New Buffalo (aka Sally Seltmann) and Megan Joy tracks. (And to be honest, the reason the latter is here is because I stumbled upon a Cantopop classic from Joanna Wang and immediately thought the two fit together.) But what story am I telling, exactly? Maybe I’ll figure it out when I make those Instagram captions in the next few weeks.
But then, I’ve gone from being sad to being numb, I guess… which is a disservice to the fact that I may have succeeded in making new friends in the last few weeks. I guess a change of mindset is needed. I’ve always found it difficult to celebrate wins when I know I haven’t fully secured it. Victory laps. More victory laps, no matter how delusional it just makes me look. How can I do that?
As I write this, next month’s playlist is just as formless, but maybe things will change before I hit publish on 11 April. Before that, though, there’s a Plaka Note due on 28 March, and it’s a pretty big one, because I already have a lot to say about Bini’s past year before their new EP even dropped. Until then, I’ll see you on the socials, or on nicksyoncemonthly@gmail.com, if you have a song recommendation.
On this playlist
New Buffalo—“Recovery”
The Last Beautiful Day (2004)The Preatures—“Somebody’s Talking”
Blue Planet Eyes (2014)Elbow—“Adriana Again”
single release (2024)Benee—“Sad Boiii”
single release (2024)Bombay Bicycle Club—“Turn the World On”
My Big Day (2023)Lake—“No Wonder I”
Circular Doorway (2013)Elvis Costello—“Everyday I Write The Book”
Punch the Clock (1983)Liz Stringer—“The Second High”
The Second High (2025)James Bay—“Sunshine In The Room” (featuring Jon Batiste)
single release (2025)Vanessa Mendoza—“Balatkayo”
single release (2024)Sirens of Lesbos—“Let It Hurt”
single release (2025)Joe Yorke—“Zara”
Hopeless (2023)The Marías—“Jupiter”
single release (2020)Joanna Wang—“I Love You”
Start from Here (2008)Megan Joy—“Sweet Love”
Free to Fly (2013)dwta—“Sampung Mga Daliri” (featuring Justin de Dios)
single release (2025)Orla Gartland—“Left Behind”
Woman on the Internet (2021)