Playlist #1: This shouldn't be about a break-up, but...
This is an endless loop of confusion, grief and ultimately misplaced optimism. What a perfect time to launch a new writing project.
There’s this challenge when you start writing about pop culture—music, in this case, but all pop culture, really—for public consumption. On one hand, you start with the things you do like, the things that speak to you. On the other, you’ll have to, at some point, be useful to your audience if you are to make something out of your writing. That means you’ll have to also, somehow, reflect what they’re interested in, or at the very least, what they might be interested in. Your personal preferences come in here, as a guide, but you can’t let them lead the whole way. You will have to meet your audience somewhere in the middle.
So, this, then, the official launch post of Nicksy Once Monthly? It starts in a very weird place.
In case you missed the pre-launch post, this project (“blog-slash-newsletter” just doesn’t have the same ring to it) is based on a monthly playlist of the songs that resonated with me in the past few weeks. Not all songs click with you the moment they are released, after all. Most of the time a song will really hit you under certain circumstances. Say, you’re in a coffee shop working, or you’re walking under an umbrella on a rainy day. That happens to me a lot. So, the playlists I’ll be posting here will be filled with songs that I am already listening to, meaning it’s not purely new stuff, whatever that means these days.
But the hope is that, at some point, the new stuff that gets released between playlists would be reflected on future posts as well. I mean, I’m not sure making a project around playlists of songs you already know is “useful”. I’m still trying to get this project right, but I’m hoping that aspect pops up more in future posts.
With all that said, this first playlist is definitely on the “what resonates with me” side.
It’s been almost seven months since my girlfriend of almost ten years broke up with me. I thought it would end as all right as possible, but not really. Too many details. Not willing to dive in.
All I’ll say is, the songs I’ve been listening to for the past six months have somehow connected to that situation. I remember being a bit peeved when the live band at my workplace Christmas party performed Carole King’s “It’s Too Late”, not because I dislike the song, but because it was speaking to me at a different level at that moment.
I suppose it’s inevitable, though. Every song is a love song—so, it goes without saying, every song is also a break-up song, under the right conditions. They just speak loudly depending on where you are at a given moment. I am keen on New Zealand band The Beths and was looking forward to their new album, but then the title track just became all sorts of sad for me and I wasn’t sure if I’m ready to dive in. On the other hand, I’m not really a fan of Carly Rae Jepsen but listened to The Loneliest Time because my circle is really into it, and ended up being sad anyway.
I know, I’m being annoying. Sorry! Please don’t unsubscribe!
But then, I suppose getting that mix right between what you like and what others may like gets pushed to the background when you’re faced with initially insurmountable grief. A death in the family, the end of a significant relationship, an upheaval in the way you live… there are much more important questions, and you try your best to make the most of the circumstances and move forward. (And didn’t we all in the past few years? Insert obligatory mention of the pandemic here.)
In my case, it’s finally pulling the trigger on Nicksy Once Monthly, a full two years after first toying with the concept. Call it a distraction, call it a search for purpose, call it ultimately unsustainable—anything that gets your mind off the rabbit hole of looking for explanations, because nothing adequately convinces you, or absolves you.
So, this month’s playlist. It’s me going back to the artists and songs I do enjoy. Comfort, for me, comes in the harmonies of First Aid Kit (and how, despite the move towards 70s AOR, Palomino still sounds very much like them) or Mamamoo’s return to what made them stand out in the crowded K-pop field before pushing further towards generic on-the-spicy-side pop sounds. Nothing beats the sound of all the parts clicking together, working together. I guess that’s what I’m looking for in a song these days. I think that’s a second theme on this playlist, and the more the words speak to my thoughts these past few weeks—like “Change” from the gone-way-too-soon Churchill or the Baek Yerin fan favorite “Square (2017)”—the better their chances.
The song I did not expect to put in here is the Garfunkel and Oates one, because I never really attempted to listen to them yet, until a friend mentioned “Sports Go Sports”, which led to YouTube throwing up the surprisingly sincere “My Apartment’s Very Clean Without You”. And you know how literal that is?
There, one post (officially) down. The next playlist is on 20 February. I promise I’ll get the format right down the line. That means no themed playlists, even unintentionally, as much as possible…
On the playlist
First Aid Kit—“A Feeling That Never Came”
Palomino (2022)Churchill—“Change”
Change EP (2012)Carole King—“It's Too Late”
Tapestry (1971)The Beths—“Expert In A Dying Field”
Expert In A Dying Field (2022)Maxïmo Park—“Going Missing”
A Certain Trigger (2005)Garfunkel and Oates—“My Apartment’s Very Clean Without You”
Slippery When Moist (2012)Regina Spektor—“Becoming All Alone”
Home, Before and After (2022)The Staves—“Paralysed”
Good Woman (2021)The Specials—“You’re Wondering Now”
The Specials (1979)Baek Yerin—“Square (2017)”
Every Letter I Sent You (2019)Caroline Polachek—“Sunset”
single release (2022)Weyes Blood—“Children of the Empire”
And In The Darkness, Hearts Aglow (2022)Carly Rae Jepsen—“Go Find Yourself or Whatever”
The Loneliest Time (2022)Yein—“Bus”
single release (2022)Mamamoo—“Wind Flower”
Blue;S (2018)Cherry Ghost—“Clear Skies Ever Closer”
Herd Runners (2014)